So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
