You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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