Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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