Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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