fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
