"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
