dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
