Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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