She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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