Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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