Porn is love you can see.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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