he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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