yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
