So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
