Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
