Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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