I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have post one night stand depression
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
