i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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