dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
