Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
