I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
