we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
