i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
