At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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