I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
