At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This is the high leading the old right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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