i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
