My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
