I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
