I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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