i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
