Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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