Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
