So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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