I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
