When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
