He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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