I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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