i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
