Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
