Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
