took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
