Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
