just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
