i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
