This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
