Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sext me about skeletons
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize