They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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