I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
