it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
