guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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