I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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