it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
