i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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