**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
