people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Holy sore nipples Batman
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
