Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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