This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
