Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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