Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
