I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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