Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
pray to the hookup gods
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
