FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
