Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
