we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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