What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
