Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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