finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
