my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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