If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I've blown a few things in my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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