apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
