My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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