he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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